Let's Talk Conflict – The Collaborative Way

Ever feel like conflicts are just... the worst?
You're not alone.

Many of us avoid conflict entirely. And when we haven’t learned how to handle it, we flip into “fight or flight” mode. Sound familiar? That’s why unresolved issues often linger for years.

But here’s some good news: there’s a better way.

The Conflict Conversation Framework has been a game-changer for me. I learned it during a Collaborative Conflict Resolution course at Justice Institute of British Columbia (JIBC), and it’s helped me approach conflict more confidently and constructively.

Think of this framework as a roadmap with five key stops:

1️⃣ Invitation: Let’s Chat

Create rapport in the beginning of the conversation
Prepare yourself emotionally and give the other person a heads-up. Be mindful of everyone’s readiness and set a collaborative tone right from the start. How you set the tone for the invite dictates how rest of the conversation goes.

2️⃣ Connection: Building Bridges

Create a genuine connection.
Show you're open to seeing and hearing the other person. Use neutral language, stay curious, and foster an atmosphere of mutual respect. Shift from “You always leave the kitchen in such a mess. You need to be more organized in the kitchen” to “I’d like to talk about how we use the kitchen and figure out a way that works for both of us”

3️⃣ Exchange: Get Curious!

This is where the real conversation happens.
Share information, ask clarifying questions, and listen deeply. Describe — don’t judge. Explore motivations, fears, and hopes together. Here's what i think….what do you think? Use silence when needed and summarize what is important to both parties.

4️⃣ Agreement: Finding Common Ground

Work towards a resolution — whether that’s a full solution or agreeing to disagree.
Focus on solutions that meet both parties’ needs, and build trust as you collaborate. True resolution occurs when both the heart and head have let go of the negative aspects of the conflict.

5️⃣ Reflection: How Did We Do?

After reaching an agreement, take a moment to reflect.
Are both sides satisfied? What worked well? What can improve for next time? This step strengthens the relationship for the future.

Real Talk: How I Used This Framework

Here’s a quick example from a tricky situation I faced with a security team:

• Invitation: I reached out to their manager to discuss how we could collaborate to build secure apps on time.

• Connection: I shared my intent to ensure compliance and meet product deadlines together.

• Exchange: I explained our tight deadlines (student terms starting soon!) and proposed prioritizing requests. The manager explained their constraints and priorities, giving me valuable context.

• Agreement: We created a plan: early collaboration during design, dedicated advisor support, and realistic prioritization from my team.

• Reflection: Monthly check-ins kept things running smoothly — until we no longer needed them because our collaboration was so effective!

Your Takeaways

• Understand the 5 key steps

• Stay intentional in conversations

• Transform conflicts into opportunities for growth